Note: This post came out of a project called Thirty Voices, for which nearly thirty women in their thirties living in various parts of the world wrote about various themes over the course of a year. I don’t remember the themes for most of the pieces I’ve kept, but at least with this one I would hazard a guess that it has something to do with whether I lived in the past, present or future.
As I thought about whether I tend to live in the past, the present or the future, the answer emerged easily, speedily. While a fast answer is convenient, it also brought unease as it clearly shows that I haven’t made as much progress in this area as I would have liked.
It’s something I’ve been noodling about for a while, and something I’ve been trying to adjust. This old habit of mine, though, appears to be hanging around. As Pooh used to say upon discovering an empty honey pot, “oh bother.”
If it’s time for anything, it’s time to fess up that I put a lot of energy into anticipating, imagining, building for the future. I want to be more in the here and now, to relish the present. I want there to be a better balancing point between all three. I’m certain I would get more out of my very good life if I were to achieve these two goals.
I could argue that the pending move to France is the source of my refurbished future orientation. It’s a big change happening months down the road. No wonder the future figures so largely! And, I have no doubt that I could conjure up other well-rounded arguments justifying my tendency. What nonetheless stands out — sharply silhouetted — is the disconnect between what I say I want and what I do.
At this moment, I’m very, very satisfied that I’ve spent time with this question. Yet, with the next breath I can feel the old pull to plan what comes next. I’m thinking this “moment to moment/being present” shit might drive me insane! Being more in the future may simply be me functioning in accordance with my design, or it may be a habit trying to regain the seat it briefly lost. And on and on this bouncy cogitation might go. Oh bother.
Following your nose is part of my modus operandi, and I believe my nose wants me to follow the scent of posting challenge no. 7. It wanted this scent to grab my attention, and it wants me to let it linger so that I can explore all of its themes and headnotes.
I also sense that it’s giving me permission to call back the hounds, take a breather, let this stuff percolate in the background, keep the awareness big but the steps forward small. There’s a new Rome trying to be built here, and it happens moment by moment, day by day, week to week, and so on.
As someone who used to live in the future but gave up and now lives in the present, I am curious – do your plans tend to pan out? I hope so.. mine never did – mostly from my own lack of commitment and I think thats what shifted me to the present.
Actually many of them do, but I attribute that to a kind of dogged persistence. But, the enjoyment for these “wins” is short because the focus is on what’s ahead. So, the accomplishment isn’t savored. I’d like to change that, and I suspect that will be a big motivator in my shifting. It’s good to hear from other “reformed futurists”. It helps to hear success stories.
One of the things I totally struggle with is the tendency to want Rome built in a day, or an hour if I’m on lunch. It’s one of the things I still struggle with often.
Oh yes, the “Instant Rome” syndrome can be a real kicker. I’ve found that forcing myself to pause and doing some mental math (it can be just trying to divide today’s date by two or multiply it by two) takes the edge off my impatience.
[...] I’ve been chewing on the mental leftovers from a post I wrote for the Thirty Voices blog last week. The topic for the posting challenge was about what time do you live in — past, [...]