Last weekend we flew to Ireland for a rugby match and a christening.  The christening was on the agenda way before the rugby game became a twinkle in a fan’s eyes, in case anyone wonders which warranted the buying of plane tickets.  I always enjoy our visits there, especially the short ones.  Speaking of short, this post is not.  But if you hang in to the end, there’s a video of my fave 80′s song du jour that mentions the TV show, Dallas.

Assertiveness training Irish Pub style.

On Saturday we joined 82,494 other people at Croke Park for the Leinster-Muenster Heineken Cup semi-final.  Before the game a group of us met up at a pub, of course.  When it was my turn to buy a round, I learned the hard way that getting a pint order made isn’t as easy as laying a couple of 20 euro notes on the counter.  And don’t even bother with trying to make eye contact to get the bartender’s attention.  Nothing doing.  So then I stood on my tippy toes, just in case being short was somehow a factor.  Behind me those in the know simply called out their requests over my head and had their pint requests sorted.  Finally, someone took pity on the idiot who’d been standing with her euros on the bar for fifteen minutes, and made the bartender aware that I was next in line.  Back at the table, the boys panted, faint because it had been a whole five minutes since they finished off their last glass!  One of them gave me the lowdown on how to not be that idiot who waits their turn and isn’t rewarded for it.  Now they tell me.  It’s not as if an American of Polish-French-Canadian-Czech descent is born knowing that information.  {forehead slap}

Wait, why are we eating this takeaway in the rain?

After the game, we found a pub with some standing room at which we enjoyed a few celebratory rounds.  But then we needed to catch a train to Bray, so that everyone could get their beauty sleep before the christening the next day.  By 10:30, the train rolled into the station.  It had begun to rain, and we were famished.  Across from the station was a chip shop open late, so before catching a cab for the next leg of the journey home we ran in there and placed urgent orders.  There’s no place to eat inside the shop, so then we ran back to the station.  Meanwhile several waiting cabs were filled and gone.  Tim and I thought the plan was that we’d get the grub, grab a cab, and take our fried spoils home to eat.  But no…the rest of the crew huddled outside the station and wolfed down their takeaway.  Because you can’t eat it in the cab, and it would be cold by the time we walked through the door, and you can’t it cold chips and burgers.  You just can’t.  So Tim and I huddled and wolfed with the rest of them.  Have to say, despite the awkwardness of juggling a burger and fries and rain showers, the food was piping hot and delicious in its deep-fried way.

Baptism by bedlam.

Four babies were on the baptism docket last Sunday.  They whimpered as babies do when spritzed with the cold holy water, but they were perfect cherubs compared to their sibs, all of whom seemed hellbent on raising Cain. It was bedlam in the church. Kiddies running up and down the aisles, in and around the altar, through the choir area. Now and again a parent would sheepishly step forward to calm a little stinker who would sit quiet for maybe 30 seconds before tearing off again  The priest conducting the service did his level best to stick with the whole script.  As the din level rose, he tried to outmatch it with volume and speed.  Didn’t matter.  No one sitting farther than four rows from him could hear a thing.  There’s a pub just down the lane from the church, which must be terribly convenient for that priest.  If it were me, and if I’d gotten through officiating that service without pausing to exact physical retribution or at least a fierce scolding, I’d reward myself with a few stiff ones the moment I got out of my robes. But that’s just me.

Will these retreats be held at a spa,  father?

At the post-christening party, the priest who done the pre-christening mass made an appearance.  He was a young guy.  Of an order, he said, that originated in the US and with whom he’d spent time in Mexico as a missionary.  As soon as he said that, the fear-of-being-proselytized atoms in the room became supercharged with mildly hostile anticipation.  We all knew what was coming next.  After that wind-up, sure as milk came the pitch. An invitation to participate in the retreats organized by his order. They wanted more ladies involved. That’s when Tim’s sister-in-law lobbed her quip about the spas.  All six women in the room roared with laughter.  The poor man turned red-purple. Then a plate of beef curry was put in his hands.  It was a melt-your-esophogus spicy curry, and you’ve never seen a man so grateful for that kind of kicky food.  Because if anyone should subsequently asked why he was red-purple, he could just point to his plate.

Driver!  Driver!  Look for the silver Bentley.  No, the Be-entley.

Then there were the two drunk ladies of a certain age with whom we shared a cab ride home from the christening.  The drunker of the two kept asking me if I was Canadian or American. Then she waxed on about the kiddies in the church needed a good slap, and about the hot Ukranian student renting a room in her house.  After that she switched to being obstreperous with the cab driver, accusing him of all sorts of roadwise misdeeds.  It took some doing to get rid of her because she kept directing the cabbie to look for the house with a silver Bentley.  Bentley, my ass.  Turns out that’s just her little ha-ha way of referring to her navy Volkswagon hatchback. Tim escorted her to her door, because his mother said so.  We all breathed a huge sigh of relief when she was gone. We also felt sorry for the Ukranian student, who we suspect has had to overlook propositions from his landlady when she’s shitfaced.

Sad news upon returning home.

A friend emailed to say her cat had died in a kind of freaky way.  That generated some pet mourning on both sides of the Atlantic, because I’m still a bit tender about losing my little cat, Wolfgang, last year.  I don’t actually know if he’s dead.  One day he left my sister’s house (she’d agreed to look after our cats while we were abroad) and decided to not come back. If I wasn’t the one putting food in his bowl, I guess, he didn’t have a reason to stick around.  We deliberately didn’t bring the cats to France, because we weren’t going to put them through that kind of move until we were settled and staying put somewhere.  But you can’t explain that to a cat, so I can only assume Wolfie went back to the wild from which I had originally rescued him as a kitten and that had never entirely left him. He was always kind of half-feral, anyway.  {Many sniffs.}

Credit reports – don’t avoid them like a plague.

Suck it up and get your free copies from all three of the main providers – Experian, Equifax, Transunion -  through http://www.annualcreditreport.com, an arrangement endorsed by the FTC.  I hadn’t done this kind of due diligence for a while, and only this week discovered a problem.  There’s a bum checking account attached to my name that’s news to me.  Never opened it.  You can also get the free reports through the sites of all three providers but they kind of set you up to get sucked into buying additional services you don’t want or need, especially via 30-day free trial mechanisms where you have to remember to cancel the service by then or you’ll be automatically charged for it.  Ugh. Getting the free reports and just the free reports through the above mentioned site is a little more transparent and a little less tricky.

An unexpected twofer.

Lately grocery shopping as a couple has become a weird power struggle of frugality vs. tastebud.  Example:  Much ado was made about paying 1.99 euros for the spinach tagliatelle as opposed to 1.25 for the plain.  (Spinach won out for it’s aesthetic qualities.)  Then there was the cooking butter debate: 1.79 euros for the Kerry Gold vs .98 for the Goldstück.  (Goldstück purchased to even out for the pasta.) Unforseen bonus with regard to the butter: opportunity to annoy a certain someone by saying Goldstück in a badly exaggerated German accent whenever possible.

Rediscovering Blancmange’s version of an ABBA song – The Day Before You Came.

From their Mange Tout album (Blancmange, not ABBA).  The lyrics build on a great sequence of the little details that depict the monotony of  “life within it’s usual frame”.  Yet somehow the banal becomes compelling and invokes wistful remembering.  Ultimately, romantic turmoil upends it all.  It’s inferred that the affair concludes sans bliss. To top it off, the song mentions the TV show, Dallas. Good stuff.

This interview comes with a warning:  there are many beautiful illustrations included and there are links to more beautiful illustrations.  You may be sucked in to spending the rest of the day perusing them all.  It is a fantastic way to spend the day. (Although your boss may differ.)  Should you begin cursing me because the day has been consumed with perusing Suzanne’s Cabrera’s artwork from her Open Sketchbook blog when you’re supposed to being doing other things, I understand.  But I did warn you.

All of the artwork featured in this post is displayed with the artist’s permission.  So no art poaching, s’il vous plait, however tempting.

October, 2008

MG: You told me they call you the “blog maven” at the school where you teach.  How did you earn that moniker?

SC: Well they call me the “blog maven” because of my enthusiasm for the medium. I can’t express enough how powerful this outlet is for connecting with others. I’ve met so many wonderful people simply by opening my sketchbook and sharing it with others. I feel very fortunate.

MG: What inspired you to launch the lovely Open Sketchbook blog originally?

SC: I started my blog shortly after reading a article in Domino magazine about several artists who created a painting a day and posted it to their blog. Before that time I had never even looked at a blog, let alone thought about having something important enough to write about. Inspired by the idea of a painting a day, I began my blog as a way to keep myself motivated to draw in my sketchbook…something that I didn’t do nearly as much as I wanted to. At first I was very timid about posting my work as I felt I was opening myself up to criticism. But, it wasn’t long before I was pleasantly surprised by the outpouring of positive comments and feedback. This has inspired me in ways I never though possible.

MG: What do think allows people to connect with your work in that way? There’s a certain something about it.

SC: I think my work is honest. Just like me, sometimes it’s polished, sometimes it isn’t. Taking a cue from Danny Gregory, I also draw and write about “Everyday Matters”…little things (moments) that most everyone can relate to.

MG: You mentioned that you’ve been inspired in new ways…what are some examples?

SC: Just to clarify…you’re asking where the inspiration I’ve received (via comments, etc) has led me?

MG: Yes.

SC: Good question.  Several things.  It has given me more confidence in my own voice. Which, in turn, has encouraged me to connect with others around the world. Many people I might have shied away from reaching out to before.

Likewise, I am encouraged to give feedback to those who are just starting blogging or drawing…pass on the inspiration. At school this has motivated me to get my students blogging as a way for them to get their names out in cyberspace and get feedback.

Finally, on a day when I am feeling particularly unmotivated I might write a post about the artist block and get dozens of positive responses and suggestions on how to get over the hump. This is so healthy for my spirit.

MG: One of the things I most appreciate about your blog is that there’s openness even when the creative juices aren’t flowing as you’d like, when you are feeling a little stuck. We get to be there as you work through this stuff and see the sketches that come from that process.

SC: Sometimes I worry that I share this a little too much.

MG: If I were coaching you I’d be asking about that worry…ha! Habits run deep. I’m going to exercise some self-management here and shift to ask you about your muse. Is that a concept you nourish, and if so, how do you keep your muse happy?

SC: I definitely subscribe to the muse.  By far the thing that helps nourish my muse is rest. I am a mult-tasker to a fault. While I’m never bored, I always feel the need to stay busy.

Many times my sketchbook can become a source of this busy-ness. For instance, there are many times when I can’t watch a movie, eat lunch, listen to a lecture without sketching. And while I love doing this, there are times when it leads to burn-out. The best solution that I’ve found to this problem is to put up the sketchbook…take it out of my purse…whatever it takes to remove the pressure to draw. Once this isn’t a factor I try to slow myself down and simply soak in the environment around me. I don’t need to record it…just enjoy it.  Sometimes, after an extended break, it is difficult to pick the sketchbook back up…but once I get back into the swing of things I feel much more refreshed.

MG: I imagine that burnout and creative blockages are topics that your students bring to you, too.

SC: Definitely!  I think this is one area in which I can relate to my students very well. Though I don’t know that they always believe me It also makes me a bit of a sucker when it comes to giving them extensions on deadlines, weekends off, etc.

MG: Students have a sixth sense when it comes to soft spots. It’s part of the student survival strategy, I think.  One of the qualities that comes through, though, is how much you enjoy your students. No doubt they can be little stinkers sometimes. Still, what do you aspire to as a teacher?

SC: Having recently been a student, I know that the teachers I admired the most were the ones who were enthusiastic about design on every level and practiced what they taught.  They are who I try to pattern my pedagogical approach after. I tell my students that if they give me 100%, I’ll give them 110%. I try to infuse creativity into every class and encourage students to find their own voice (in much the same way I’ve found mine through blogging).  This is particularly the case in my drawing classes. I don’t expect every student to draw the same way…in fact I don’t want this to happen. Instead I want them to find their own style and run with it!

MG: What are your hopes and dreams for the Open Sketchbook?

SC: To be a professional stay-at-home blogger   Perhaps in my dreams.

MG: Moi aussi.

SC: My greatest hope is that the blog’s readership continues to grow and more opportunities – including, but not limited to my dream list (http://suzannebuchanan.blogspot.com/2008/09/flirty.html) -  arise.  So far, the blog has introduced me to an amazing group of individuals and I’ve gotten many inquiries about new business opportunities.  My new mantra is “if you blog it, they will come.” And I think there is something to it…soon after the post referenced here I received an email from J. Peterman   It’s pretty incredible how the simple act of linking a blog entry to a site can produce such results.

Yet in many ways I’m just riding the wave with no clear idea of where it will take me. I’ve found my ideas for where I want to be in blogging – and life – shift from month to month.  (I’m sure this is probably the case for most everyone). I’ve never been one to have a 5-month plan, let alone a 5-year plan.

MG: I know many creative people who say that one of the most potent place to be and create from is cluelessness.

SC: That’s good to hear…because that is definitely where I am!

MG: So, to which of life’s BIG Questions do you turn in moments of wondering, or uncertainty, or general musing?

SC: I want to say that ultimately I am guided by “what makes me happy.” It hasn’t always been this way…for the longest time it was “what will make others proud of me” but my husband, Edgar, has taught me the importance of the happy approach.

MG: What are some of your favorite sketches or sketch series on the blog?

SC: Hmmm. I’ve actually kind of enjoyed the lingerie series as of late…though it makes me a little uneasy to think about my students seeing my lingerie I also like any that involve Pokey  or life around the house…in general.

MG: Speaking of Pokey, how’s he taking to his new sister, Reilly?

SC: Hahaha…I wish you could see them here on the couch next to me now. Edgar just took some photos…I’ll have to pass them along.  Let’s just say they are fine when they are asleep!

Suzanne Cabrera lives in Greensboro, North Carolina where she teaches at University of North Carolina Greensboro.  When she’s not enjoying life with her husband, Edgar, and their two pooches, Pokey and Reilly, or engaging in her own everyday matters, she’s very likely sketching.  To see more of her artwork you can, of course, subscribe to her blog, An Open Sketchbook.  You can also check out the International Moleskin Sketchbook Exchange, where Suzanne and five other artists from around the world take turns adding their artwork to a Moleskine sktechbook.

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TAKEAWAYS

“It’s pretty incredible how the simple act of linking a blog entry to a site can produce such results.”

• It’s immensely satisfying to create your own opportunities, and it doesn’t necessarily take a whole lot of dreaming and scheming or fancy finagling to generate them.  Sometimes the most basic action can produce anything-but basic results.

“And while I love doing this [sketching], there are times when it leads to burn-out.”

• Sometimes our talents can lead us astray, can become a source of angst rather than joy.  When you notice this is the case, give yourself permission to pull back, to take a break, to do something else.  You’ll return to what you love re-energized and re-engaged.

“Yet in many ways I’m just riding the wave with no clear idea of where it will take me.”

• Don’t assume that cluelessness is clumsy.  It can also be wise and inspiring.  Suzanne is discovering that by letting her blog have the wide open space it needs to dance in the moment.

“I think my work is honest. Just like me, sometimes it’s polished, sometimes it isn’t”.

• Create from what’s personal.  Sometimes creative people dismiss the personal, thinking that others will be bored by it, won’t be able to relate to it.  Ha.  We easily and eagerly find ways to understand ourselves through the personal experiences of others.

Angela Stalcup is one of several friends I’ve made through the Ladies Who Launch network.  In fact, I met her last November at the LWL Live Event in Atlanta when she sat in on an afternoon breakout session I facilitated.  Little did I know that on that very day the seeds for her blog, The Curvy Life, were about to break out and see sunlight. The mission behind Curvy Life is anything but petite.  If Angela has her way, it will change our expectations and perceptions around body image, our own bodies and thusly ourselves.  The Curvy Life, you see, is a response to the constant barrage of unrealistic images of women on television, in movies, and in print.  Like I said, her goals are BIG.  Really big.  I could natter on and on about them and her, but I won’t because that would be pinching the spotlight from someone most deserving of it.

September 2008

MG: What’s the Curvy Life backstory?

AS: After I finished college, I had on my hands this great body of work related to the history of culture and beauty and the body that had really inspired and changed me.  Body image had long been a personal struggle for me.  I’m someone who processes by collecting information. I thought if could just understand everything about body image I would be OK with mine.

One of my professors encouraged me take the results of all my research to the world.  Except I didn’t know how to do that.  I sat on it for about five years, until I saw other people come out as experts and writing books.  That’s what pushed me over the edge.  There’s a book called, Do I Look Fat In This? That should have been my book!

I decided a blog would be a good way to start building an audience, but I had lots of fears about how to start, how to do it.  Then by chance I saw a flyer for the Ladies Who Launch one-day event in Atlanta, and I went to the event because they were having a panel on new media.  All day I was in this room full of really energetic women, and it was like a radical intervention that popped all the fears and let me just focus on what I was most passionate about.  I realized that if this is my passion I can figure out the how-to’s.  In a day, a bomb went off.   Being exposed to all those women doing exactly what I wanted to do was the final push that got me to launch Curvy Life.

MG: Is it safe to say that you have a grand vision for Curvy LIfe?

AS: There’s always been a grand vision.  That was part of what made it hard for me to break it down into doable steps.  I really want it to shake our culture out of the self-loathing around the body and to be a voice for body love.  My hope is that I can change the conversation about body image in a radical way, change the images we’re exposed to, change the icons we look up to.

The blog is a start.  But I want to write a book, have a radio show or maybe a TV show.  I want Curvy Life to be a public platform that helps women quit being so mean to themselves!

MG: Many of your posts on Curvy Life more or less chronicle your determination to quit being mean to yourself and leave body image hell behind, like the story you wrote about buying a bikini, wearing it to a pool party, and then you posted a photo of you in said bikini. Talk about icing on the cake of self-empowerment.   What was it like to do that?

AS: That’s been my most popular post ever, and it’s not because I look hot in a bikini, although frankly I think I look just fine.

There was a study recently that found even though women are more educated than ever about the plasticity of the images we see, we feel worse than ever.  There has to be action to counteract the corrosive effect of the images and the messages. If I really believe in what I say, these actions, such as posting that photo of myself, are what I need to do.   Beyond that though I’ve always wanted to wear a cute skirted bikini.  Why shouldn’t I?  If it’s in my size, fits me good, why not wear it?

After that post, women wrote to say that after years of thinking they didn’t belong in one for years and years, they decided to pull their bikinis out of storage or to at least think about buying a new one.  They had all sorts of reasons why they didn’t think they should wear one – because they had a scar or their bodies looked different after having kids or because they’re a size 16…I really do hope this blog can spur changes of heart and self-esteem and help women who feel timid about themselves to step out.

MG: What’s your relationship with the camera like these days?  You’re clearly not avoiding it.

AS: That took me a long time to get there.  Of all the relationships I’ve had in my life, the one with the camera has been the most torturesome love/hate relationship.  As a little girl I loved to have my picture taken.  Then I reached adolescence.  There’s a picture on my website that marks when everything changed, when I declared that I could never have my picture taken again because I looked so bad. In fact, I bought a camera so that I would be the photographer and not the one being photographed.

It took me a very long time to not dread the sight of a camera, but the beauty of aging is that I see pictures from years past so differently. If I hated the picture for all the usual, unkind reasons, now I say,  “Wow. Wasn’t I cute!

MG: I know from having spoken to you and reading the blog that you’ve got some serious beefs with “perfect sizes”.

AS: Oh yes!  That issue really gets me going…recently I questioned a comment on another blog as to why size 0 is the “perfect” size. My grandmother talks about being a perfect size 14.  When I was growing up it was a perfect size 8.  Now we’re at a perfect size 0.  We’re dropping like a rock!  Why is zero perfect now when years ago it was 14?  There’s no rhyme or reason to it.  It’s all manufactured.

We’re dealing with a morality that says you don’t deserve unless you force your body into looking a certain way.  I’m very much an advocate for being healthy, for exercise and nutrition in reasonable ways.  Wherever your body falls on the spectrum, though,  that’s where it ought to be.  There are women who are naturally skinny and women who are naturally a size 20.  Why should we try to make one be the other? Why is it that one side of the scale is good, and the other side isn’t!

MG: ARRRRRGGGGGG!

AS: Double ARRRRRGGGGGG!    But seriously, there’s a totally unreal quality to our demands about body weight and body image.  I’m now a size 14, and I’m 80 lbs lighter than at my heaviest.  When I talk to somebody and mention I lost 80 lbs, they always sway, wow I look great.  So I look great now because I’m 80 lbs lighter, but what if I said I’d gained 80 lbs? No one would say, wow you look great.

MG: Even if the 80 pounds were the end result of being some of the best meals a body has ever known.

AS: I thought I looked great at my heavier weight, too.  I want to feel good about myself whether I’m 80 lbs. up or down.

MG: What are some of life’s BIG Questions that guide you?

AS: Am I living my passion?  Am I living to my strengths and natural gifts?  Am I doing what I was meant to do?  I’ve really gone a long way in the last year towards making movement in these areas.  The most basic question, “What do I want?”, is another that comes up a lot.  I know what I’m told I should want and what every body else around me wants, but am I doing what I want?

MG: Ummm…well?  Don’t keep us in suspense!

AS: Yes.  Absolutely.  Even when society says I can’t have what I want, like to feel pretty, I want to anyway.  I do.   I won’t change that.  I’m sticking with it.  Let’s be honest, many would say that’s a shallow thing to want.  That’s what I used to tell myself, too.  But, now I’m A-OK with wanting it anyway.  The Wonder Woman in me is claiming it.

MG: Wonder Woman had the best accessories – the cuffs, the belt, the lasso, the boots!

AS: And the plane!  She’s a great archetype.  She’s a way of connecting to something bigger in yourself.

MG: Is that how you do it?

AS: Actually it’s my fuzzy black coat.  I call it my superpower coat, and when I wear it I feel totally glamorous.  I could have no make up on and my hair in a pony tail, but when I wear that coat people fall down.

MG: I’ve seen that coat, and it gives Wonder Woman’s cuffs a run for their money.  Do you have a back-up fuzzy coat in case something happens to the original?  I mean this is your archetypal thingamajig we’re talking about…

AS: Well, if something happens to it, I’ll mourn it. But I’ll find something else to take its place.  Everything has its time.  Even fuzzy coat.

5 TAKEAWAYS

“There’s always been a grand vision.  That was part of what made it hard for me to break it down into doable steps.”

1.  The How-To’s are important but not all important.  And, hoo-boy can they steal your motivational thunder, keeping you stuck and indecisive. As Angela learned, it’s not necessary to have a plan set in stone before you set yourself in motion. Pick a starting point.  Any is better than none.  Flip a coin if you need to, even if the choice is between two options that aren’t a sure bet.  You’ll figure out the how’s along the way.  Really.  You will.

“I want to feel good about myself whether I’m 80 lbs. up or down.”

2.  Angela decided to say no to the norm and to say yes to her norm.  This result: a strong, confident woman who will not allow conventional attitudes to mess with her self-esteem.

“…the beauty of aging is that I see pictures from years past so differently.”

3.  Be open to how time and maturity can soften our sharp edges and clear the smears from our perspectives.  The benefits speak for themselves.

“If I really believe in what I say, these actions, such as posting that photo of myself, are what I need to do.”

4.  It takes a lot of guts, as Gandhi said, to be the change you wish to see in your world.  It’s not just a matter of integrity.  It’s a matter of expressing a crucial piece of your true, intimate core.

“I bought a camera so that I would be the photographer and not the one being photographed.”

5.   Until Angela stepped in front of the camera rather than hiding behind it, the camera held an undue level of influence on her life. Take a moment to take stock of your avoidances, the stuff that makes you want to run.  Some of those avoidances are just the ordinary kind, such as an aversion to spinach or three-inch heels.  But others, such as avoiding conflict or intimacy or organization, may be leaching into other, seemingly disparate areas of your life.  Turn your eyes to the blue skies and ask, what would be different if I stopped avoiding ____________?

ABOUT ANGELA

Angela’s been a teacher and a counselor and traveled the world working with persons of diverse ethnic and economic backgrounds, trying to make the world a better place. Now, she wants to help herself and all those phenomenal women out there who struggle every day to feel good about themselves, their bodies, their femininity.  It’s time to quit wasting time hating our bodies, she believes, and to instead embrace our own beauty and develop body love.  To learn more about the curvy life or to share your curvy struggles, triumphs, fears and dreams, visit the blog:  http://curvylife.com.

Recently Angela has begun leading Ladies Who Launch Incubator workshops in Atlanta, GA. If you’ve attended any of the LWL Chic Chats held monthly, Angela is a very familiar face.  You can reach her by email at info@curvylife.com or astalcup@ladieswholaunch.com.

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I first learned of Katie McCaskey through the Ladies Who Launch online Social Network earlier in the summer.  As I browsed through the various groups within the network the one she started, Urban Escapees, caught my eye.  Who’s escaping, I wondered? From what? And, where were they escaping, too?

Through some chitty chat with Katie I learned that all kinds of people are embracing a cultural movement known as New Ruralism by which they uproot from the big city to re-root in small towns and rural environments.  What drives them?  It’s not an urge to swap contemporary life for life à la Little House on the Prairie (which is a different movement).  They don’t ditch their laptops or careers or have to sacrifice central heating or even season tickets to the symphony.  Quite the contrary.  Like Katie, a former Manhattanite, the word sacrifice doesn’t even enter the conversation and technology is an essential component to the lifestyle.  As you’ll find, New Ruralism is more about blending and fusing what might once have been perceived as opposing choices and impossible combinations.  It’s also as much about green and socially conscious living as it’s about facilitating lifestyle choices with a high speed internet connection.

More importantly, this is a story of someone who sidestepped her apprehensions to follow their instincts, her sense of purpose and pursue the greater vision she held for her life.  Such stories never fail to inspire me.  I imagine, that it’s the same for you.  So, without further ado here’s the written replay of my pow-wow with Katie.

Roquebrun, France & Staunton, Virginia, August, 2008

MG: You know I think the back story is the place for us to start.  How did this lifestyle change and this New Ruralism interest come about?

KM: The beginning…yeah…this all started with an evaluation of my lifestyle in NY.  I was starting to feel like I needed a change, but I didn’t know what that change would entail. I also wanted to buy a house, and I couldn’t figure out a way for that to happen. So that got me thinking about where else I could live AND, by extension, how I wanted to live my life. This sparked a bunch of unexpected, but happy, changes.

MG: But, how did you wind up choosing Staunton, Virginia? Where is it?

KM: Well, my family is from here and I’d spent part of my childhood here.  So Staunton wasn’t totally unfamiliar to me. Staunton is located about 2-1/2 hours south of Washington, D.C.

MG: Before I get sidetracked by that tidbit, what is New Ruralism?  And is this a term you coined or is it floating out there?

KM: It’s floating out there.  So, I’m a co-opter not a coiner.   Unfortunately, I think “New Ruralism” is mostly used to describe upscale, country homes — frequently new development. I disagree there and see New Ruralism as being more about the ability to use today’s technology to have the best of both worlds. Using technology you are no longer tied to a specific geographic location in order to have social or career opportunities.

For example, I “work” by way of computer and internet connection in New York and Boston…and I visit both…but I spend my day-to-day in what some would call “the country”.  What really makes the idea of New Ruralism so exciting and freeing for me is that it redefines a rural existence. Even better, it allows a new kind of “rural” experience, one that includes lifestyle options normally associated with urban living. For example, easy walking access to shops and entertainment. And yes, you can have that experience in a small town — without the hassles of crowds.

MG: It’s sounds like you’ve totally remapped your perspective about geography

KM: Yes, but really on outlook, too. You don’t realize how many cultural assumptions you make based on where you live. For example, you could generalize about what makes a “city” person and what makes a “country” person. There aren’t many flattering stereotypes in either direction. What is different now is that the definition of “city” or “country” person is more fluid.  We have the ability to travel back and forth more, of course, but the real revolution is the possibility to truly engage in a new way of seeing things.

MG: Now for a little side-tracking.  Was the decision to come back to your home town easy or difficult?

KM: Both.  It was difficult but not in ways I was expecting.  Everyone has this vision of where they grew up and what that means to them. Coming back as an adult I realized that in equal measures I’m exactly the same, and completely different person. I think it’s a really human desire to name a specific place as “home”. While my definition of New Ruralism might seem to confuse the issue of home or loyalty, coming back has been really empowering and exciting.

MG: Do you find yourself stumbling on people who are contemplating or have made a similar lifestyle change?

KM: Yes.  It’s funny but I’m meeting some of them right here in Staunton.  As well as online. To me it’s becoming apparent that there’s a growing phenomenon of people who choose to live in this kind of location but whose work is concentrated in an entirely different place.  And it’s not just people in the technology field who are making this shift.  My boyfriend had an offer to work remotely for an architectural firm.  So, there are lots of different fields and skill sets for which this is an entirely possible lifestyle.  The present limitation would be that most telecommute jobs require “knowledge economy” skills. So I suppose it’s somewhat limiting that way, but this could change.

MG: What do you hope happens with your other brain child/creative outlet, the Urban Escapee Network?  And, why is it called the Urban Escapee rather than New Ruralism Network?

KM: Ha! I wanted to register the New Ruralism domain but it was already taken.  So Urban Escapee came out of a brainstorm.  The network came about because I know there are a lot of others making or wanting to make this transition.  So, I decided to do this to create a way of connecting with those people. Once I get the critical mass of people I’d like to get, I’m thinking about hosting events online. In all honesty, my vision for the network is still fermenting and bubbling.

MG: On your blog (http://urbanescapee.com) you talk about – and share some great pictures I must add – of the house you’re living in and fixing up, the Lucretia Cox house.  But you’re also renovating another house?  A lot of people want to drink Drano at the very thought of fixing up one house.  But you’re doing two?

KM: Thank you! Well the house we’re living in, the Lucretia Cox house, is just a small cottage. We’re doing stuff to it to make it comfortable, to make it ours, and because we can quickly see a result.  Our other house is a long-term project.  It’s a wreck.  We joke it’s the “Fight Club” house — It’s stripped down to its studs!  We hope to be able to move into it with 3-5 years, and even after that we’ll be working on it for a long, long time.  It’s something I’m looking forward to savoring for a long, long time.

MG: Sounds like someone’s HGTV fantasies are coming true…

KM: Yes! I love the way these projects meld together all of my design interests, and pull in my historical interests.  It really does speak to me, this idea of restoring a house that’s historically authentic.  I’m finding whole new ways of expressing my creativity.

MG: Your change in zipcode really triggered some more fundamental changes it seems.

KM: I know!  I’m so hesitant to say that though because it seems so BIG.  But still all this feels like it was meant to happen…so I’m letting it happen.

MG: You haven’t been in Staunton all that long…

KM: No, it’s only been a matter of months.

MG: Well there must be something in the water that energizes you, because in addition to everything else you’re doing, you’re also now a partner in a new grocery store.  I don’t get to meet many people who sign up for that sort of thing, so what’s the scoop?

KM: This is an example of being open and ready for new possibilities.  One day early on, I was working from a local coffee shop called The Dirty Bean. I was chatting with the owner and mentioned how I missed corner stores. You know, being able to just walk downstairs, or around the corner, to get staple items like I could in New York.  And as it turns out the owner owned the empty storefront next door and had been considering putting in a neighborhood grocery store. Apparently, the building that housed a grocers in the 1880’s. Well, I had to agree it was an awesome idea, and I wanted to be involved. We started talking and brainstorming and the end result is that the four of us – the owners and my boyfriend and I, are re-launching this same building as a grocery store.  And we’re naming the store after the original grocer, George Bowers.

And here’s the kicker: the original George Bowers moved from New York City to set up shop in Staunton. Meant to be, right?

MG: But did you wake up one day and say “I want to be a grocer. How can I make that happen?”

KM: Are you kidding?  This is not something I would have thought would interest me, but it makes perfect sense given that for a long time I’ve been really interested in issues surrounding food and food production, the environmental impact of locally produced foods, organic foods.

MG: You’re going to get the best gossip in town.  The woman who runs the market in my village knows everything about everyone.

KM: I’d better.  But that touches on one aspect of why I moved to Staunton in the first place.  I wanted a sense of community, to know my neighbors and the people around me.  In New York I think I talked to my neighbors all of three times.  Now, that’s not to say that neighborliness isn’t possible in the city, but for me it wasn’t happening.  So George Bowers lets me be actively involved in the community from the get-go and to interact with people from all walks of life.

MG: Are you going to grocer school?

KM: I wish.  There’s no time! I’m just flying by the seat of my grocer pants.

MG: What’s driving you to charge ahead despite all the unknowns and – in your words – not having any practical experience with the world of grocering.

KM: Through this venture I can have a positive impact.  I can better myself but also my community.

MG: How does a small town grocery store do all that?

KM: Right off the bat, we’re featuring locally produced products, from veggies to canned goods.  Our emphasis is locally produced, so that empowers the consumer to know where your food has been grown, the methods they used.  And the local producers have a direct outlet to the consumer beyond the farmers market held once a week.  As a modern society we’ve lost touch with where our food comes from.  But also there’s a huge disparity in the quality of food available to people in lower income brackets that I hope our grocery store address, too.  In many communities it’s really difficult for poor people to access fresh fruits and vegetables.  So, George Bowers will offer WIC/food stamp eligible produce.

MG: One of your most potent motivators seems to be about how you can make a difference, and providing locally produced feta and balsamic to rich and poor alike is a step in that direction.

KM: Sure.  If I can do something that has even a small impact on this crazy unfair food disparity that would be fantastic.  That would be so meaningful. Man’s search for meaning — or in my case, woman’s…

MG: I’m stepping out on a limb, here, but I predict George Bowers will become a destination for people far outside of Staunton.  There’s something about your passion that just screams you have the bootstraps to make it that big.

KM: Thanks, I hope so.  We’ve already had a good buzz. People in their 70’s who have lived in Staunton all their life to the hipster college students keep asking when we’re going to open. That makes me feel really good to see the breadth of people who are interested in us.

MG: How can we stay in the loop with the store opening?

KM: We set up a website, www.georgebowersgrocery.com, and are posting updates.  If all goes according to plan, we’ll have our grand opening at the end of October.

MG: Any last morsels of wisdom for others contemplating a lifestyle change or in the throes of one?

KM: I keep reminding myself to look at the bright side despite disappointments. I keep reminding myself that I have control over how I deal with these things. It’s a lot easier to get back up and going if you have a positive attitude.  Don’t let the setbacks take away the joy. The unexpected can happen, and that can be the best possible outcome.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

5 TAKEAWAYS

“This is not something I would have thought would interest me, but it makes perfect sense given that for a long time I’ve been really interested in issues surrounding food and food production….”

1.  When opportunity strikes it may not arrive in the form you expected.

If you’re crystal clear on the gist of what you want from an opportunity, you’ll often find that the particulars are secondary in importance.

“…I know there are a lot of others making or wanting to make this transition.  So, I decided to do this [Urban Escapee Network] to create a way of connecting those people.”

2. Be the one who “does”.

If you’re hungry for a certain kind of community, step up to create it rather than hope that someone else will take the initiative.  Although someone else might eventually come along and take charge, you might be waiting a long time.  Is that a wait that serves or frustrates your need for connection?

“In all honesty, my vision for the network is still fermenting and bubbling.“

3.  Crockpot your ideas.

Katie launched the Urban Escapee Network with some ideas in mind but nothing in cement.  Is she losing sleep over this?  Is she hung up on what others might think?  Not a chance.  She’s trusting herself, her process, that she can adjust and tweak the flavors of this urban escapee brew as it brews.  It’s a slow cook method that lets her have a whole lot of fun developing her concept.

“If I can do something that has even a small impact on this crazy unfair food disparity that would be fantastic.”

4.  Hear ye, hear ye: a small impact is way more than no impact.

You may not, for example, be able to end all hunger.  Yes, that’s frustrating…and crappy.  But you can still contribute to a cause that speaks to you.  You might, for example, find a way to lessen hunger for at least one person in one corner of the world.  And that one person, no doubt, would be profoundly grateful that you opted for to give something over nothing.

“…the real revolution is the possibility to truly engage in a new way of seeing things.”

5. Perspective isn’t just something you learn in art class.

The lens through which you view the world has a tremendous impact on what you perceive to be possible.  Quite often when we believe that opportunity is sorely lacking, it’s because our perspective on the matter is a royal hindrance to espying them, even when they’re cha-chaing on on our chins.

ABOUT KATIE

In 2008 Katie McCaskey and her boyfriend relcoated from New York City (pop. “mega”) to a Staunton, Virginia (pop. 25,000) by choice.  On her personal blog, UrbanEscapee.com, she writes about the transition of living from a large city to a rural town, of renovating an 1891 Victorian while also making small changes to a stone cottage circa 1868 (her current abode), and of her newest endeavor – partnership in a a boutique grocery store that supplies locally-produced “staple goods & fancy groceries”, George Bowers Grocery.  As if that weren’t already a full plate, she also works remotely (and full time) for a company located in Boston.  On Twitter you can follow the progress of the grocery store’s develoment, the grand opening of which is now slated for November 1, 2008.  If you’re interested in hooking into the UrbanEscapee community, consider joining Katie’s Facebook group or the Urban Esacpee Network.

Back in January 2008, I found out that my neighbor, Lara Lowman, had recently returned from a three month sailing trip aboard her uncle’s catamaran – the Queequeg II – that began in Florida and ended in Tahiti. I was impressed. I was inspired. I had to know more. So, I asked if she would let me interview her about her trip. Luckily, she said yes.

This interview was originally posted on a blog that is no longer in service. But I couldn’t bear to see Lara’s story join it in the dustbin. It’s too good. So, it’s being resurrected here (with her knowledge and consent), because it so perfectly conveys how answering life’s BIG Questions can spur us to bold decisions – so bold it’s hard to imagine we can actually do them, yet many of us forge ahead anyway. The result: life changing life experience.

I recently asked Lara about what stands out for her having been back for seven months, and she remarked that she misses the boat, the unstructured time to read, the unbelievable skies, and the excitement of seeing land and watching the port take shape as the boat approached. (These are her words, by the way). And, she was quick to add, “The trip really reiterated that you need to live here and now. And continually recalibrate that balance between planning for the future vs experiencing the present.”

To learn more about the Lara living on dry land, be sure to read through to the end.

Atlanta, February, 2008:

MG: So, Ms. Lowman, dish about this sailing trip to Tahiiti!

LL: My uncle, who sailed around the world forty years ago, decided to sail around the world again. I’ve always wanted to go with him. He’s taken numerous sailing trips in between. I had thought about taking a couple weeks vacation to join him, a fly-in fly-out sort of thing. But I was never able to make it happen. So when this next around-the-world trip showed up, I thought, gosh, I’d love to join him. He would stop over in Atlanta on his way to Florida from Illinois– he was spending two weeks every month getting the boat ready – and Bard {fiancé at the time, now husband} and I would say wouldn’t it be great to do a one-two week leg with him. And then we started saying, why don’t we just go! Let’s do the Florida to Tahiti segment. My uncle was only asking for us to chip in for expenses – food, gas, port fees that sort of thing, may be $7-10 a day. It’s nothing.

MG: What was the tipping point in your decision?

LL: I had already scaled back in certain ways. I had cut back from 40-30 hours a week to see if I could make a living as a freelancer. And I had already stepped back from climbing any sort of career ladder and was more focused on how I wanted to live my life. Bard is a self-employed photographer so he has flexibility. I don’t know that I would have gone without Bard because it’s just nice to have someone on the trip with you. We’re a good support system for each other.

MG: Where and how often did you stop [in port]?

LL: We—there were five of us total on the boat–sailed from Florida to Belize to San Andreas (a Columbian island) to Panama through the canal to Sua, on the Ecuadorian coast, then to Galapagos , the Marquesas Islands, the Tuamotus, and then Tahiti. It was 25 days from Galapagos to the Marquesas. All the other stops were 8-11 days in between.

MG: 25 days…at sea? Not a square inch of dry land? continue reading…